Back to school… Don’t neglect the emotional prep!

    In a week or two, schools in the United States will open their doors for the 2016/17 school year. Parents and guardians are busy getting their kids ready to go back to school, and the stores are full of shoppers buying school uniforms (according to each school’s dress code), school bags, lunch bags, school supplies and so on and so forth. I have three children of my own that I’m also getting ready to go back to their respective schools: one will be a sophomore in college, one a sophomore in a new high school (because a new school has just been built in our school district which she is now zoned to), and the third continues in middle school as a 7^th grader.

For some years, I’ve always made sure to deal specifically with getting my children ready emotionally and psychologically for their going back to school. I strongly believe that to succeed in getting the children off to a good start, a parent or guardian has to help prepare the minds and the psyche of their children for them to be able to cope with whatever situation may await them as they begin a new school year. True, we don’t know what specific situations or issues may arise, but you’ll be surprised to know that kids worry about many of the same things, like: whether they’re going to like their new school, whether they’ll make friends, whether their teachers will be nice, whether they’ll be able to match up to your expectations as a parent or guardian…. These are the big issues that need your serious attention before school starts. While buying the school supplies is important, the ‘EMOTIONAL DEVISING’, as I call it, which means emotionally preparing your child so that they have the tools to cope with whatever eventuality they might face, is essential and should not be neglected.

As I mentioned earlier, my children are at different stages of their schooling and so, my ‘emotional devising’ for each is in relation to the stage they are in: for example, my college sophomore will be having a roommate for the first time this year in his dorm room (he had a room to himself in freshman year), so living with a roommate that is not a sibling is going to be a new experience/challenge for him. Also, my high-school sophomore who is about to change schools is worried about not seeing some of the friends she had worked so hard to make at her old school anymore, and thinks she won’t find good friends like them in her new school. Lastly, my 7^th grader is thinking about new strategies that he can adopt in order for him to make a successful run for president of the student government this year (he lost the election for secretary of the student government last year).

While your child’s specific concerns may be different from that of mine, kids can find themselves dealing with a host of different issues as they return to school after their long summer vacation. These can vary widely and may include a fear of bullying, self-esteem issues, academic anxiety etc.

So how does one go about handling all of this? Some years ago, I put together a strategy, a modus operandi as it were, to tackle these issues: First, I’ll take my kids to do their back-to-school shopping, and second, I’ll go out with each of them in turn. They get to pick where we go for our day out. Whilst hanging out, at an appropriate juncture I’ll steer the conversation such that it revolves around the following points, strongly encouraging a constructive two-way discussion:

*Talk about the last school year, what they liked and what they didn’t.

*Ask what their fears/expectations are for the new school year.

*Emphasize throughout the discussion time that you’ll be there for them to listen if they ever have any concerns, or if they have anything (anything at all) to talk about, whether it’s school-related or not.

Importantly, please always let your child know that they are enough all by themselves, and that they don’t have to please their peers in order to be ‘cool’. Doing what is right sometimes may not seem cool to their friends, but their being able to stand up for what is right and be confident in who they are is the coolest.

In short, back-to-school prep should be more than just shopping. Considering the things that go on in the schools today, and with the competitive pressure placed on our kids and the pressure from their peers to ‘fit in’, it is imperative that we place a greater emphasis on ‘emotional devising’.

By the way, I too will go back to school soon to continue with my college studies, and so I guess I’ll have to have “the emotional talk” with myself as well!

That said, I wish every student and all parents a great, productive and fulfilling school year.

Sincerely yours 🙂