My Blog

HALF THE RACE STILL TO GO

by Yemi Sholotan, posted in Human Interaction

10373690_10207220798211119_1107012757108604216_n                       with-half-the-race-gone-there-is-half-the-race-still-to-go-quote-1

A lot of us are usually not ready for the second half of the year, but ready or not, it’s here! And I’m excited to welcome you to it. If this was the year you wanted to get more done by June than you have, it’s not too late! There’s still time to make 2018 your best year yet, you just need to take note of certain elements that could serve as catalysts even at this time of the year for your goals and aspirations.

It’s just half the race that is gone, we still have the other half to go, quitting or giving up halfway isn’t going to make you feel good, losing momentum with which you started also does no good for the purpose for which you embarked on the race in the first place. This second half gives you the opportunity to step back, evaluate your year so far with your goals and objectives (never mind the new year’s resolutions which likely didn’t last until February …), take action to get back on track if necessary.

Personally, second half is also a great opportunity for me to do some hard thinking over my finances, my businesses and other aspects of my life that I may want to improve.

        For example, at the beginning of this year, it was one of my goals to do the physical launching of “Diamond in the Dust”- a non-profit organization that I created before the end of the first half of the year. The vision of the organization is to engage, develop and empower anyone in their mid-life stage looking forward to engaging for a higher purpose, and who seeks greater fulfillment in life (We did the soft launch on social media in the first quater of the year). While the goal sounds great, there are certain factors that would align my goal to its actualization: my health is one of those factors, it’s in fact a major one because there’s little one can do without sound health, also, if you remember in one of my past posts, I had mentioned that I was back in the University classroom as a student after many years for a third degree, the first half of the year happened to be my final semester to complete the degree.

So, in order to get my goals actualized, I needed to PRIORITIZE, which brought my health to the fore front. Thank God, after a few visits to the doctor’s office, I feel much better and refreshed to get more work done on my goal: the non-profit will be launched in this second half of this year. I have also completed my degree in Organizational Leadership & Supervision last Spring, so the pressure of assignment deadlines is off (at least for now until I start my PH.D)

Life happens as we strive to achieve our goals, and when those challenges come, don’t allow yourself to be discouraged, PRIORITIZE, EVALUATE and GET BACK ON TRACK. It’s important for you to know that it’s your journey, your dream, your goal, and you are not in competition with anyone, RUN YOUR OWN RACE, STAY IN YOUR LANE.

If you need some encouragement or a nudge to help you pursue your goals and dreams, send me an email at yemisholotan@havilahconcepts.com or simply share your story here and I’ll be glad to be a part of your journey in whatever way I’m able to, even if it’s only to cheer you on.

Don’t give up in the middle of the race, there’s the other half still to go!

HAPPY NEW MONTH OF JULY 2018!

You are awesome!

mum_sig

Yemi Sholotan

Testing Times: Come Sit and Watch Your Car Burn – Part 1

by Yemi Sholotan, posted in Be Inspired, Lifestyle, Uncategorized

Sometimes we find ourselves at a time in our lives when we feel that we are being bombarded by problems, challenges, unanswered questions and all sorts of unwanted episodes. You ask questions like: “Why me? Did I do something wrong? What did I leave undone?”

On August 3rd, 2017, on the Hardy Toll Road in Houston Texas, while on my way to a speaking engagement, two of my children and I watched as our only “reliable” family car went up in flames right before our eyes. The other person watching with us was a stranger, who had seen us running away from the smoking car and stopped to ask if we needed to sit in his car while we “watch our car burn instead of him and other road users watch us burn with our car”. The meaning of his statement would only strike me later at a very deep level and I will go into more details about this in a later post.

The car was declared a total loss by the loss adjuster. The second car we had was at the mechanics for repair, which is why I was driving the other one the day it got burnt. The burnt car was our only working car, and for days following the incident we had to rely on a rental car provided by the insurance company.

I became very anxious because a new school year was starting for the kids in a matter of days and, back-to-school shopping had to be done. As foreign nationals in the oil industry, the crash in the oil price was affecting our finances, and so, the unforeseen reality that we were going to need to purchase another car was very troubling for my family.

The experience on the Hardy Toll Road was very traumatic for the children and myself. We had to struggle to get out of the car before it burst into flames, and not until days later did I realize that I had become very withdrawn and paranoid. Each time I got into the rental car I smelt smoke, and would pull over to the side of the road to investigate whether something was burning.

Just as we were getting better psychologically dealing with the loss of the car and its implications, we saw on the news that Hurricane Harvey was going to hit Texas and we were advised to stock up on food, water and other essentials, which we did. The hurricane made landfall on the southern Texas Coast and my city, Houston, was deluged with over 50 inches of rain, causing a never-seen before level of flooding in Houston and its surrounding counties. It rained for days. Our neighborhood lakes had burst their banks and, our streets were flooded, so much that one would have needed a boat or canoe to move around the neighborhood. My county was under a tornado watch for days. Everything looked bleak, scary and hopeless, and my only prayer at that point was that our home would not be flooded. I didn’t think I would have the strength to deal with that, particularly as we had yet to sort out the problem of not having a good car in the family.

My prayers were answered. Our home was spared and we did not get flooded. Many people were not as fortunate and lost their homes and valuables to the storm. Many lost everything; some even their lives.

I watched on television with a heavy heart as thousands of people were rendered homeless as a result of the storm. I wept many times as I watched evacuees being rescued from flooded homes, hospitals, senior living homes, nursing homes and so on. My own problems faded into the background, as many people were facing much greater challenges.

Life will always present pressing challenges, so in the midst of all of the chaos, how does one find perspective? How does one find the strength to not fall apart or throw in the towel? How does one move forward in the face of discouragement? Remember, everyone will face trials and tribulations in life. It’s just a matter of time. So how do you handle it when it comes? The second part of this blog post will deal with my answers to those questions, which I will post soon.

In the meantime, to my Houston family I say: “Stay strong, be courageous, give and be ready to accept love and we shall overcome this season of challenges. We will rebuild and recover all that the storm has stolen from us.”

The aftermath of the storm has been devastating, and although the sun is out again, we will have faith and hope in the creator of the storm, knowing that He knows all things. Even when we are pressed on all sides…, we shall not be crushed.

Like I said, the second part to this post is coming soon.

With much love to you all,

Ride Your Fear.

by Yemi Sholotan, posted in Uncategorized

Hello,

This post is going to be a really short one, I would like to encourage someone out there who for one reason or the other is afraid to step out of his or her comfort zone because of fear of the unknown.

Sometimes fear keeps us “safe” (there’s no safety in fear), sometimes fear holds us back, face your fear, walk through it, and you’ll find more courage to run toward it, fly over it, and SOAR.WOW 14

Choose Hope not Fear

by Yemi Sholotan, posted in Be Inspired, Lifestyle, Uncategorized

Let me share a true story with you. It was the early 90s and my brother had gone back to college as a more mature student to study for a third degree. One day after finishing classes, he realized that he had no money for transportation back to his apartment, which was situated about 30 miles from campus. He decided to start walking, thinking that just maybe he might just be lucky enough to get a free ride at some point. He took short cut after short cut and after one and half hours of walking and about 20 minutes shy of his destination (by car), he passed by a house where there was a man standing outside who was smiling at him. The man greeted my brother and told him that he had been waiting for him to pass by. My brother looked behind him thinking that this complete stranger must have been speaking to someone else. He wasn’t. The man calmly explained to my brother that the “Lord” had revealed to him during his prayer time that there was a man coming that way that evening and that he should prepare a monetary gift for him. He duly did and handed my brother an envelope of money, which ended his suffering and took care of his immediate financial predicament that day.

It was last summer, when that same brother, who is 11 years my senior and the eldest of my six siblings and I, paid me a visit from Africa. He spent most of his six weeks of annual leave to do so and it was a wonderful bonding experience for us both as we had not spent much time together since 1993 when I lived with him briefly after graduating from college and securing my first job in Ibadan, Nigeria. During his recent visit to America, we would talk well into the night, reminiscing about our childhood days and philosophizing about life issues, an area of discussion we both enjoyed tremendously and one where we sometimes turned to the scriptures for clarity. It was during one of those many discussions that he first told me the story that I have just shared with you. It’s a story that continues to have an impact on me as it serves to underscore that there are mysteries in this world that cannot be explained by human reasoning.

Whenever I feel like giving up on something, or whether I am just worrying about the outcome of a venture, I remember his story and I become fired up with an inner strength to continue. It has been months now since he recounted the story and I contemplated a great deal on whether or not to share such a personal story. But the more I thought about it, the more I became convinced that it should be shared in the hope that it may help others.

There are times in life when we allow anxiety or fear of the unknown to cast a shadow on our vision, when instead, we should be keeping our eyes on our destination. Harboring anxieties about what is going to happen in the next minute, the next hour, or the next day won’t make a positive difference. In fact, most times, worries and anxiety will only cause confusion and baseless fear.

Now let me share with you the lessons that I learnt from my brother’s story.

  • Expect a full life

In the journey of life, there are ups and downs. The down times are going to show up whether we like it or not, but so will the up times. We have bought into the notion that life is supposed to be all roses. Maybe it is the movies or TV that has led us to think this way. If you live a full life, then you will experience great suffering but ALSO GREAT JOY. This is life and it is how it is supposed to be.

My brother in the story I told earlier had a legitimate fear of how he was going to get through the rest of his day. But a power far greater than himself already saw his “tomorrow” and made provision. It’s important to understand that challenges must come to an end, and the real peace of mind comes when you accept this.

  • Don’t swim in baseless fear

Some people just look for fear, trouble and anxiety where there is none. They seem to enjoy behaving or acting like life is actually more difficult than it is (because in their minds it is unrealistic to believe that life isn’t). An example would be someone who, despite losing a job they actually hated, still gives the appearance of being really upset. Often, it is just fear that keeps a person trapped in an unfulfilling job, or perhaps a toxic relationship, and so on. Instead of “swimming” in fear, why not face the situation with equanimity and embrace the changes in your life. Do what inspires you, like reading inspirational books or listening to inspirational messages, or go out and mingle with people who have a positive outlook who can take your mind off the situation, or provide you with constructive advice. Cool headedness will most times bring about a logical evaluation of the situation.

  • Divine timing

Things happen at certain times in your life that test you and allow you to grow. But there often cannot be growth without discomfort. If my brother had not trekked for over one and half hours on dirty back roads, cutting through brush and bushes in an attempt to get home, he probably would have missed the “package” that was prepared and waiting for him on his journey. Taking a bus would have definitely helped him get home faster, but then the experience and realization that there’s a higher power looking after him would have been lost. Don’t also let us forget that the “package” was supposed to be delivered at a set time.

  • Hope or Fear, What’s it going to be?

I decided to write this in January because I know that many people are already fearful or anxious about 2017 and what the year will bring, whether in the area of relationships, academics, careers, or in domestic or world affairs etc.  Fear brings to the forefront negativity and hopelessness, thereby casting a shadow on your vision. While on the other hand, hope does the opposite. It gives you options, gives you peace in your heart and whispers in your ears that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Hope brings closer to you faith, which ultimately gives you peace, even in the midst of the storm. Crises, personal or otherwise, will happen, but when they do, calmly analyze your options and run toward the issues NOT away from them. CHOOSE HOPE, Not Fear!

I wish everyone a joyful, peaceful and fulfilling 2017.

Love always.

 

Merry Christmas from my family to yours !

by Yemi Sholotan, posted in Be Inspired, Lifestyle, Uncategorized

Hello friends, it’s the holidays! Some of us are always just so busy and serious with life that we never take a moment to relax: to sing, dance, laugh and even be silly. So, I decided to do something fun with the kids and their dad (who I’m still surprised went along with it) this Christmas. We picked a song we all love, my son-Olly changed the lyrics a bit, we recorded the music on his ipad, mixed the sound, even shot and editted the video- all in one day! It was so much fun.

I hope that you take time away from all the fear and stress going on in the world and take a moment to be free! Best wishes as you add some silliness to this journey of life, it’ll be so worth it. One more important thing, spread love, give love, recieve love everyday. Love is the greatest gift anyone can give or recieve.

Enjoy the video!

 

 

 

Gratitude brings Happiness!…and Finding Purpose!

by Yemi Sholotan, posted in Be Inspired, Human Interaction, Lifestyle, Uncategorized

gratitude-happiness-2

There are times when we feel that showing gratitude or simply saying “thank you” may be somewhat forced and does not make a difference. How often, for example, have we told someone: “Well, you could say thank you!” Their retort being: “Okay. Thank you! I’ve said it. Now does that make you happy?”

Well yes actually, I would say it does. It sure makes a person happy when they receive a thank you or clearly feel appreciated for a certain deed, and vice versa.

What happens to the other person when you thank them? Thank them for what you may ask?

How about a thank you for just being your friend, for loving you, for being a good parent or child, for being a good teacher, nurse, nanny, assistant, employee, pastor, mentor, encourager, or volunteer and so the list goes on.

You can create a well of happiness in the life of another person with your words. You can make somebody’s day and you can make a person feel relevant in the grand scheme of things. By showing gratitude, you can build up someone else’s self-esteem and you can provide encouragement. That is unquantifiable!

Furthermore, you receive more when you show gratitude.

We teach our children the three magic words of sorry, please and thank you, and many kids learn early on the benefits of using some of them! As soon as a child can utter the word ‘thank you,’ he or she knows that a lot of thank yous can lead to more goodies. They often say it until you acknowledge that you’ve heard them. I know mine did that when they were youngerJ. Kids find it easy to exercise gratitude when something makes them happy. They don’t forget and, in seeking your approval, are quick to show appreciation.

Another illustration of this came when many years ago, whilst on a business trip to New York I visited with a close friend and spent three nights in her home. Every night the family gave their devotions, and each of the two children was asked to pray. The younger of the two, who was four years old at the time, after thanking God for daddy, mummy, his sister and his nanny, would always thank God for McDonalds! I found it funny the first night, but after hearing him consistently go through his prayer of thanksgiving on the second and third nights, never leaving out McDonald’s, I was curious and asked his mum to explain. She told me that on the days she worked long hours and came home too tired to cook, McDonald’s was always their default and affordable dinner.

While these examples show how showing gratitude can sometimes provide you with an assurance that more will be given, some of us were not brought up to attach too much importance to words such as ‘thank you’, or even to use them at all. But we are never too old to learn! So, if needs be, let’s learn to show gratitude, say thank you to those who’ve earned it and who deserve it.

What showing gratitude can do for you?

Showing gratitude can open up a whole new level of positivity within you. You will definitely be a happier individual. As you spend time showing gratitude toward others, you develop a grateful mindset that ultimately creates for you a more positive approach to life. In essence, it’s a whole new life of purposeful living.

It can trigger clarity of purpose as you impact other people’s lives, perhaps eventually leading you to finding your purpose in life. It is human nature to want to seek happiness in life, and so exercising gratitude and finding genuine purpose can unlock a well of happiness for you. Show gratitude in every way you can and see how events can turn in your favor.

I hope you go on day-by-day living a life of gratitude. I await your testimonials!

Thanks for stopping by, and encouraging me as I walk my journey of life. You are an essential part of why I’m inspired to dream big, and walk in my purpose.thank-you-blog-post-5  gratitude-happiness-2

Enjoy that “Place”.

by Yemi Sholotan, posted in Be Inspired, Lifestyle, Uncategorized

wow-4

If you had asked me in my mid-thirties where I would have seen myself in 10 years’ time, I highly doubt I would have said “right back in school trying to get a third degree!” But funnily enough that is exactly where I am right now. I am currently in a math class, working on concepts that I haven’t touched for about 28 odd years, as well as taking American History and Philosophy classes. I am the busiest I have ever been. In between shuffling my children back and forth from school, cooking and making sure they actually eat, working hard on trying to realize my dreams and writing my book, running my events planning and promotions business whilst also trying to start a talk show, and then staying up until 2 am or so in the morning doing homework, I barely have time to even stop and breathe. I am in the same class as students the same age as my son who, on numerous occasions, have mistaken me for the professor or the TA (teaching assistant).

And, in a weird way, I absolutely love it! I am learning so much about the history of America that I never thought I would learn. I am constantly being challenged to learn more and do better, and every night when I go to bed, I run through all the things I did that day and am truly amazed. Somehow I’ve figured out how to pack 48 hours’ worth of responsibility into just a 12-hour day. Every morning when I wake up I put on my skirt suit and I truly am ready to go and take on the world full force and learn about linear programming, or how the US constitution came to be, or even that nowadays coming to class in your pajamas is quite okay!

In all honesty, I sometimes get scared that I might not be able to get all these things done, but then I have come to realize that all these things — family, career, dreams and aspirations — are what make me unique. All these parts are extremely important in making me the person that I am today, the loving, energetic, unstoppable dreamer, and taking away any one aspect of this “me” could cause me to feel sad, depressed and unfulfilled.

I love this season of my life, it’s a season to sow and prepare for the harvest, which I’m sure shall duly come.

So, my schooling experience at this time of my life has made me reflect on how sometimes we find ourselves back in a “place” that we think we have long since finished with, or perhaps a “place” where we feel we don’t want to be at this moment but find ourselves in due to a change in circumstances. Thoughts of how old you are, how you don’t have enough time, or how irrelevant you think this “place” is to where you would prefer to be can surface and can make the experience not quite as rewarding as it should be. But these are excuses cooked up only in your mind to set limits on how high you can actually jump.

Lead the way to your dreams.

I want you to know, or perhaps this will confirm what you may have heard before, that your age is no barrier to what you can achieve in life. There is an old African adage that says: “No matter how long you make your robe, the ground will always be there for it to drag upon”, which simply means that anytime you decide to start something there is always a relevance for it in the scheme of life. It’s the right time for you to start that business, explore your passion, or chase that dream. No one understands what you want from life better than you do, so lead the way to your dreams!

Enjoy the challenges.

Often times we are so busy complaining and whining about life’s challenges that we fail to see the lessons that we are meant to learn from an experience. Last semester was very challenging for me because I kept feeling sorry for myself for opting to go back to school. I felt that I was not grasping what was being taught in class quite as fast as my younger classmates and, with all my responsibilities at the time, it was difficult for me to keep up with homework deadlines. All in all, I was starting to think that I had made a big mistake in returning to school.

But in time, as I came to appreciate that I am meant to enjoy and learn from each and every experience, I actually began to grow and flourish. Every morning now, I have a bounce in my step as I go through my very busy day. Just having a positive attitude and my openness to learning new things has totally changed my life. So, I encourage you to enjoy the trials and challenges of life, intentionally look for the lessons that can be learnt, and turn those lessons into a wealth of experience that you can draw upon every day to help build you up or use to inspire and encourage others. Remember, challenges are meant to be enjoyed!

Returning to school at age 46 (now almost 47) has opened up my mind and my brain to taking in and processing information quicker, and has given more depth to my knowledge and understanding. This, in turn, has made me a more creative thinker and more resourceful individual, not to mention how it has boosted my confidence and improved the content and delivery of my speeches whenever I’m invited to speak at functions.

FIND the lesson to be learnt from your present trials and tribulations, ENJOY it and GROW from it.

Thanks for stopping by. I look forward to you sharing your stories of courage with me here.

Sincerely,

mum_sig

 

 

Back to school… Don’t neglect the emotional prep!

by Yemi Sholotan, posted in Human Interaction, Lifestyle, Parenting

back-to-school-pictures-images-photos-9UbBpL-clipart    In a week or two, schools in the United States will open their doors for the 2016/17 school year. Parents and guardians are busy getting their kids ready to go back to school, and the stores are full of shoppers buying school uniforms (according to each school’s dress code), school bags, lunch bags, school supplies and so on and so forth. I have three children of my own that I’m also getting ready to go back to their respective schools: one will be a sophomore in college, one a sophomore in a new high school (because a new school has just been built in our school district which she is now zoned to), and the third continues in middle school as a 7th grader.

For some years, I’ve always made sure to deal specifically with getting my children ready emotionally and psychologically for their going back to school. I strongly believe that to succeed in getting the children off to a good start, a parent or guardian has to help prepare the minds and the psyche of their children for them to be able to cope with whatever situation may await them as they begin a new school year. True, we don’t know what specific situations or issues may arise, but you’ll be surprised to know that kids worry about many of the same things, like: whether they’re going to like their new school, whether they’ll make friends, whether their teachers will be nice, whether they’ll be able to match up to your expectations as a parent or guardian…. These are the big issues that need your serious attention before school starts. While buying the school supplies is important, the ‘EMOTIONAL DEVISING’, as I call it, which means emotionally preparing your child so that they have the tools to cope with whatever eventuality they might face, is essential and should not be neglected.

As I mentioned earlier, my children are at different stages of their schooling and so, my ‘emotional devising’ for each is in relation to the stage they are in: for example, my college sophomore will be having a roommate for the first time this year in his dorm room (he had a room to himself in freshman year), so living with a roommate that is not a sibling is going to be a new experience/challenge for him. Also, my high-school sophomore who is about to change schools is worried about not seeing some of the friends she had worked so hard to make at her old school anymore, and thinks she won’t find good friends like them in her new school. Lastly, my 7th grader is thinking about new strategies that he can adopt in order for him to make a successful run for president of the student government this year (he lost the election for secretary of the student government last year).

While your child’s specific concerns may be different from that of mine, kids can find themselves dealing with a host of different issues as they return to school after their long summer vacation. These can vary widely and may include a fear of bullying, self-esteem issues, academic anxiety etc.

So how does one go about handling all of this? Some years ago, I put together a strategy, a modus operandi as it were, to tackle these issues: First, I’ll take my kids to do their back-to-school shopping, and second, I’ll go out with each of them in turn. They get to pick where we go for our day out. Whilst hanging out, at an appropriate juncture I’ll steer the conversation such that it revolves around the following points, strongly encouraging a constructive two-way discussion:

*Talk about the last school year, what they liked and what they didn’t.

*Ask what their fears/expectations are for the new school year.

*Emphasize throughout the discussion time that you’ll be there for them to listen if they ever have any concerns, or if they have anything (anything at all) to talk about, whether it’s school-related or not.

Importantly, please always let your child know that they are enough all by themselves, and that they don’t have to please their peers in order to be ‘cool’. Doing what is right sometimes may not seem cool to their friends, but their being able to stand up for what is right and be confident in who they are is the coolest.

In short, back-to-school prep should be more than just shopping. Considering the things that go on in the schools today, and with the competitive pressure placed on our kids and the pressure from their peers to ‘fit in’, it is imperative that we place a greater emphasis on ‘emotional devising’.

By the way, I too will go back to school soon to continue with my college studies, and so I guess I’ll have to have “the emotional talk” with myself as well!

That said, I wish every student and all parents a great, productive and fulfilling school year.

Sincerely yours 🙂mum_sig

Beauty in the Totality of who you are.

by Yemi Sholotan, posted in Lifestyle

WOW 3          Hey beautiful people!

Society over time has said that this is what beauty is: – tall, long silky hair, light skinned, slim (like from size 0-4), but I say, beauty is much more! Beauty is compassion, kindness, generosity of spirit, love, dedication, strength, faithfulness, values, goals, ambition, drive, selflessness, affection, warmth, how you treat your neighbor….at the end of the day, all these qualities shape your personality, that’s what makes you uniquely you!

—-There is beauty in the totality of who you are!

Over the weekend, I had the privilege to speak at a very unique event- a beauty and talent showcase in Houston Texas, and below I bring you a podcast of an excerpt from the speech. Enjoy.

Sincerely,

Yemi Sholotan